We're all strangers here
So it's all right if you can't
Stop the tears you cry.
'Cause some day we'll touch 
The face of our God 
And the sorrow will disappear.
Until then, we're strangers here. 

Tenth Avenue North "Strangers"

Money is not Everything

Yesterday my boss gave all of us tickets for some lottery. Apparently the winner took home 400 million dollars. Immediately the chatter began as my coworkers speculated how much interest that would bring in, the new houses they could buy, the nice cars they would have at their disposal. For myself, I joined in only to say, "I really don't want all of that money."
Immediately my coworkers turned to me with questions: "Why not?" "Imagine what you could with all of that money - you could study in school forever!" "You could donate it, or could give it to your parents. Don't you want to see them established comfortably for the rest of their lives?"
As if, somehow, money fixes all of the problems, makes life easier, gives the greatest aid to people.

And I realized just how dependent our culture is on the dollar. We think it will take our pain away, eradicate our problems, solve social injustice. Why do you think the government signs so many checks?
We've become used to relying on money.

I don't think money fixes everything. I don't think money fixes anything. One could argue that it pays your bills and buys you food and clothing and shelter. I would say, yes, but only through God's provision first. God is the one who provides the means for your needs. You have money, but you have it because God has provided you with a job.

I don't think money fixes social injustices. We have money floating around all over the place today, but not one cent has truly fixed injustice. Because the root of social injustices is man's own heart, the dollar will never cure social injustices. It might help to alleviate them, but in the end it does very little to address the issue. If anything, money creates greater social injustice, because where money is man's greed follows close behind.
No, Jesus fixes social injustices when He changes the hearts of men.
I want to help people, but I don't want to help them by simply giving them wads of cash. I want to give them the Gospel, a hug, a listening ear, food when they have very little, and love when they have experienced none. I want to give them Jesus first. Cash comes second every time.
Sure, money would fix the schooling issue, but the whole point of why I'm paying for school and working full-time to do it is because it is something I want, and feel called, to do. I love scraping by, discovering how God provides for those needs, becoming creative with what I have, denying myself so that later I can better serve others. All of this money does not enable me to do - God does.

That is why I don't want to win the lottery. Not today, not ever. I like having little, because when I have little I see the wealth that God has given me. He has given me a family, good friends, a good job, a wonderful church, everything I need and then a little more. Most importantly, He has given me Christ. And that is the greatest wealth of all - a wealth that, in all honesty, money will never ever be able buy.

What is "easy"?

I sit and stare at the blank page in front of me. I could fill this page with words, ideas, emotions. I begin to type.
Hit the backspace button.
Begin to type again.
Hit the backspace once more.
It is an endless cycle. Words escape me in the face of what I am about to write.

A few weeks ago I began a course on English from my correspondence college. As a final project, they assigned us to write an essay on something that has greatly influenced our lives. When I first skimmed through this course, several months ago, I thought it a slightly cheesy assignment. I don't like writing about the deep things revolving around myself. No, I want to write about the deep things revolving around the universe, around the Bible, around God and His Word. I guess I've always thought myself too small in the face of all the beautiful, wonderful things around me, and the wonder of the Creator who made them.

I came crawling back to this English course a month after Ben died. Determined to establish some sort of routine after my life fell to pieces, I began the work with a zeal. And I came back to the final assignment.
Something that greatly influenced my life.
Death influences our lives. It pulls pieces out of our lives - big, colorful, wonderful pieces. We stumble around, trying to fill up the holes left. Somehow, we never quite succeed in filling them in. We continue to live with these gaping wounds in our lives. Eventually the ragged edges aren't quite so tender, the holes not quite so obvious.
Yes, death is so very influential.

But, though it seems the obvious choice, I am not going to write about Ben's death. Not because I am unable to, but because I have found something far, far more influential, something that has completely changed my life.
And it isn't Ben's death.
It is his life.
Ben's death ripped a hole in the fabric of my heart, but that is because his life was woven into that fabric. His death shattered my world, but that was because his life was an integral part of that world. His death dealt a blow to my faith, but that is because his life affirmed my faith in so many ways.
No, Ben's life was far more influential than his death.

Ben's life didn't end when the gun fired two months ago. His life continues, not merely through memories or through his family, but through the solid hope and faith that he had in Jesus Christ. Because of his faith in Christ, Ben lives on in glory. Our lives are changed as we face our loss. His life is changed as he stands before his Savior, perfected in glory.
And in this his life is by far more influential than his death.